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It has been another wonderful fun filled bullshit day with my daughters mom... instead of having a name anymore I call her babymama since I have to reduce her to those terms.

well yesterday, babymama called me up because her car broke down....again...over heating. she knew it was coming and instead of doing anything about even checking the smallest thing as maybe thermostat. drove it till it died. I got that call in the middle of taking care of a home project i have been putting off. I was already frustrated quite a bit with said project...now i was being asked to potentially ruin my car by towing hers in a thousand degree heat. after taking a few backroads and her car rear ending me twice cause her car was not able to apply breaks properly. I have decided enough was enough...I pulled my car in front of her house and made sure to keep rope taught... got out and got my machette out of jeep and took a solid whack at rope and drove off.

I messaged babymama and told her never again will i do that. Immediately i blocked her from facebook and my messaging and phone calls. she can leave a message.

I am not usually like this, I have a very giving nature and help anyone I can.

Now the latest, I got a bulk sum of money I normally would not have gotten. so I paid for a trip to disneyland for the kids and I. That was all I could afford. so she has made it clear to z that she was jelous and whishes she could go and said this to our daughter several times that my daughter has started saying the same to me. so i added guilt tripping maupliation to babymamas list of crap. I did tell her that it was very bad of her to be jelous and selfish. she should be happy for her daughter to have a father in her life that is able to take both the kids. besides this vacation s more of the kids than me. for me it is a working vacation... i have to make sure they are okay and feed them and buy them stuff.

I am looking forward to it. but I really dont need her shit...even while I am away.

Howdy all...

Hello all.. Wow ... its beena long time since I have used this site. I probably should start up again.. put my thoughts out there.

Well in short ... pam has been moved out for at least a year and half... longer I think. Her daughter Samantha graduated from 8th grade and her own dad did not show up. Sad... I did however delight in being able to be there for her. Pam and I are still friends but sometimes her decisions have made me question why.

I also as of last year the beginning of the year I think that my real daughter Zva started living with me...and her mom and her husband.. yikes. They were going to be homeless so yes like a sucker I opened my home up since until recently.. Genn (zvas mom) moved out... that was a long and hard year. putting up with emotional crap and training an adult to think straight and logically... no be addicted to drama... dont act like a fool yata yata yata..

Well as far as all that went... it did not work out... she is living alone but is finding ways to kerp trying to "hang out".. so if A does not want to go to her moms...she visits here... and that is not okay for me.


update....been a few days since I wrote this... had final straw with genn. now dubbed as babymama... a disgrace to logical thinking adults... I had to tow her lame ass car from turlock to merced... because she was complaining it was over heating and did nothing about it. and...sh still wants to take kids in her hoopdee to los angeles. OH HELL NO... her damn car breaks down where i can not get to her I will not tow her... I will pick up the kids and leaver her ass there.

stupid shit...

I have been very Morose. I have need to work on a lot with myself. my physical self, my emotional self, mentally well.... getting there.

I noticed something

This usually does not happen much but.... I had a dream. Its serious. I dreamt that some guy was showing me stuff lime pictures movi ng slowly. People fighting all over the world. Kids crying and all sucked in physically. Normal people killin eachother over hqnd fulls of rotten food. It had me sweating hard core. It looked as if i entered the picture with my hqnds bloodied andgun in hq d and on hip. The feeling was morbid desperate fearful but not for me but to make sure my kid was able to eat. I woke sweating shaking.

Now i was getting gas. I hqd a homeless lady looking for change for food qnd her kid was with her. I told her of food bank down street and she said they closed. I noticed more homeless people on way to school. I sat to have my breakfast and noticed the papers headline. Food bqnks closing because of declining economny. This is a message. Either designed or happening now. I dont follow the left right sides anymore. But noticing stuff and i feel that even though there is a feeling in the air so
Ething is noticqbly coming. I may be upset about things but its something bigger than my little problem Whatare your thoughts?

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Not myself anymore

This morning changed me. I no longer want to let by gones be by gones. The more i think on how alex's bike was stolen. The amoint of force needed to sheer two bolts on my gqrage door track

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Not myself anymore

This morning changed me. I no longer want to let by gones be by gones. The more i think on how alex's bike was stolen. The amoint of force needed to sheer two bolts on my garage door track leads me to believe that the guys who took his bike were meth users dope fiends or other. I no longer care if the person using drugs has family friends their own children. They stole my sons bike within two months of him getting it. Well since june or july i think.

I am going to get him qnother just like they think " oh this guy will get hos kid another bike". The onley difference is. I am going to have to have alex lock his bike to a metal post attached to the wall. I also have to fix the track and put in Locking mechanisms on the garage door. I know he is upset. How can he feel safe if they crackheads. Can sheer the bolts off the track. ? Well guess its time to fix what can be fixed, replqce whqt can be replaced and get ready to live i. Garage so i can tear me a ass hole in the crack head meth user without remorse. Peace? There will be no more peace ever again.... Nothin u can say me change my mind or mend my heart.

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Leaving the house this morning about 730 her son is being a terror and throwing things such as a few stuffed animals and finally a coaster holder at Alex. I was approached by Alex to discuss he problem and my simple corse was to take the coaster away from her son. On the way out the roomie takes it upon herself to tell Alex without me there " the bible says you have to accept peoples apologies." when Alex told me this right as he was leaving I became furious. I did not say anything this morning but looking for oppurtunity after class which is in about 5 min if she is home.

I agree with he lot of you I think the closer time comes, the more freaky she is going mto become. So I am laying it out now. Goig to tell her to keep her scripture or improvised reading to her self since she is not qualified as a religious memeber thani can trust. Don't talk to my son about things without me and she needs to start shuttling stuff out now since the car is going onfor repairs. Also once the 18th comes I wil be putting her shuffle outside if left behind. Plain and simple inwill also have a research on how to file a unstable person report ready to go. I will let you all know how it turned out.

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purging my friends list

I am going to be going through my friends list on here and purging a decent portion of people off. I feel it is necessary to lose the extra people on my listing. obviously a few will remain and I will keep those that I communicate on a regular basis with just short of actual posting here or on FB.

Writer's Block: Starting from Scratch

What would it take to get you to start a new life on a new world?


I would need a willing voulnteer and my son and music stuff and a ticket to go..and i get to drive.

Writer's Block: I May Be Crazy

What does this Rorschach blot look like to you?


let see a moth a butter fly, a flailed human skin, kinda like a torn up chicken, and...wow a goblin of some sort with evil smile.